Slanket FAQ

My recent acquisition of a Slanket  has triggered a number of questions from jonsonblog readers, both in the comments and in my real-life interactions.  Towards that end, I have compiled the following FAQ.

1. Q: Does the Slanket actually exist?  Do you own one?  A: Yes, I own a Slanket. This product actually exists, and I own one.
2. Q: Is it called a Slanket because it is a blanket with sleeves? A: Not at all; the inventor, Finnegan Q. Slanket wanted to honor his family name.  Of course it is called Slanket because it is a Blanket with Sleeves. Dumbass.
3. Q: Is there a hole for your junk? A: You have the Slanket confused with some sort of masturbation aid.  I understand why, as it is a product you first heard of here on the jonsonblog, which likely means it has some association in your mind with genitalia & the proper use thereof.  Nonetheless, this product is only for warming of the torso & arms and should not cause orgasms in any way except among cozy fetishists.
4. Q: Will you be providing a product review? A: It is a Slanket.  You put your arms in the sleeves & lie on the couch reading Thoreau playing videogames.  What is there to review?
5. Q: Isn’t the Slanket just a terrycloth bathrobe that you wear backwards? A: No, but I see how you could make that mistake.  Here, refer to the following diagram: