h1

Waiting for the Whore Train to Arrive

November 26, 2007

One of my recurrent fantasies has me moving to a small town, like a really quaint Americana place that doesn’t exist any more & probably never did.  It’s a ridiculous ambition, because everything I love in life is part and parcel of big city living.  The interesting people, diverse ethnic foods, cool shops, great cultural scene, etc, wouldn’t be present in my imaginary small town. 

But that hasn’t stopped me from using craigslist to browse random small towns around America looking through the “real estate for sale” section.  One of the most compelling arguments in favor of small towns is that I could buy a home five times the size of my current one for the same amount of money I spent on my couch.  But, being who I am, any visit to craigslist usually ends up with me in the whore section, browsing the whores to see if there’s anything unique or special about small town prostitutes.

Oddly the one thing I found is that there’s a certain population minimum required in order to support a thriving craigslist prostitute economy.  Most of the really small towns I looked at didn’t even have any local talent, but the scant few ads I found were by touring professionals, booking appointments in advance.  It reminded me of a documentary I saw about doctors in Alaska who travel to rural wilderness twice a year and everyone schedules their checkups & non-emergency work at that time.

Unless you count working for corporate America, I’ve never done business with a prostitute, but I can imagine the night before the whore train pulls into town how feverishly excited the local population of small town Johns must be, and how the temptation to masturbate or stick your penis in that one tree that is shaped kinda like a woman has got to be unbearably compelling, but you can’t, you can’t waste a good shagging when an actual big city prostitute is a mere 24 hours away.

So I guess you could describe my feelings about small towns as “conflicted.”

8 comments

  1. Did you somehow set up some sort of diversionary jonsonblog just for the missus? While she’s reading your fake blog about the zany things your pugs did today you’re here posting intellectual porn.* If you don’t have that set up, you reeeeeally should start thinking about it. Last time I checked your superpower doesn’t work online.

    *I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. These last 2 posts are the best things you’ve posted in months!


  2. Again, I have to make one correction. You don’t have to move to a small town to afford a house 5 times the size of yours for the same money. – Just out of California.

    Yeah, I need your super power to work. Or I need to figure out how to delete my last comment. I told my wife I was a virgin when we met.


  3. This one is more fun imagining than doing. Seldom do the sex workers possess any magical powers or knowledge, but are more often amateurs of low to moderate skill. And you get what you pay for. If you want a fantastic once-in-a-lifetime experience with a former model or centerfold with a true gift for this sort of thing, you probably won’t find it with your small town provider, but are more likely to pay $3K to $10K for it in a large city.

    Or so I’ve been told.

    I personally put my whore budget dollars toward midwest real estate. As an extra bonus, I don’t have lie to the wife about it!


  4. Look at the hooker hotness! Yum!

    http://www.local6.com/news/14695225/detail.html


  5. macsimon, that’s where you & I are different. If I bought a house in the midwest somewhere I’m pretty sure I would definitely have to lie to the missus about it. She has threatened to leave me at the train station if I ever try to move her from Los Angeles. And jk, I think your superpower worked by about 50%, cause I could swear the number was 100+ when we were out drinking w/everyone, but it only says 50+ in the comment below.


  6. Nathan, the hilarious part of that page with the story is that at the top there’s a graphic that says “Hot Button.”

    False.


  7. Cool small town to check out: Lewisburg, WV. Really small and quaint + there are a suprising number of educated people with most of their teeth. I lived there a couple years, after growing up in the San Gabriel Valley.


  8. No one would believe the actual number.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

%d bloggers like this: