Beforehand thanks also save you God!

This spam email didn’t come to me, but was forwarded by a friend who knows my love of mangled English.  Too many highlights to choose just one, but “we build houses of babies, hospitals?” is pretty damn great:

 Good afternoon. I am a representative of big international chraitable company ” NADEZHDA “. We search for the person in your country for the help to people which in it require: children of the orphan, people patients with a cancer, to invalids, veterans of war. We translate money in hospitals and church, we build houses of babies, hospitals? Houses for aged. I hope our letter will not leave you indifferent and you will respond to our request for the help. Remember a trouble can touch you and your relatives. Beforehand thanks also save you God!
! Ours e-mail: [ADDRESS REMOVED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY] we Look forward to hearing! Successful day!

Successful day indeed, my friends.

Happy Birthday to ME!

As previously mentioned, I share the same birthday as Jimi Hendrix, Chick Hearn & Bruce Lee, and while I have “being awesome” in common with them, the one thing I notice about all my awesome birthday pals is that they are all dead.  And two of them (Hendrix/Lee) died younger than I am now. 

I’m officially 36 today, closer to 70 than 0.  I’m not good with math, so it’s possible that “closer to 70 than 0″ thing happened last year, but it just occurred to me today.  Seventy.  Jesus.  That’s old.  I better get moving on this finding a small town to retire to.  Thank God I had an adorable baby or my life would be almost completely devoid of accomplishments by this point.  I need to start working on a list of things to do before I die.  I’ll start now.

1. Burn down the Mazda dealership in Irvine where I bought that shitty MX6 back in 1994 (they’ll never suspect it after all these years, it’s the PERFECT CRIME).
2. Umm….

Hm.  I’m starting to see why I’ve accomplished so little.  Poor planning.

All right, enough blogging, I’ve got some pipe bombs to make.