Divorce Via YouTube - Exhibit A

Dora the Explorer’s best friend is Boots the Monkey. Her nemesis is Swiper, the Sneaky Fox. By the time you finish watching this video I will be living in a box by the L.A. River.

 

My Dinner With Barack

So over here, it turns out that if you donate $5 or more (up to the $2300 max) you get entered into a drawing to have a dinner with Barack Obama & three other winners, just the five of you talking about whatever you feel like discussing.  Needless to say, I entered, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to win (because I have a system when it comes to games of chance!).  Which means I better start thinking about what I’m going to discuss with Barack over dinner.

I figure the other three chumps are going to want to have their say, all “blah blah blah health care blah special interests blah” but I’m going to seize control of the conversation with my hard hitting issues & find out where the candidate really stands. 

First topic: Is it socially unacceptable to use the term Mulatto?  A female friend used that term in reference to Jason Taylor from the Miami Dolphins, while describing how attractive he was.  Up until now I hadn’t thought the term was offensive (and yet, Octaroon seems very clearly wrong…).  Then the friend followed it up with “I’m not usually attracted to black people,” and I was forced to cast everything she had previously said through my PC filter.  Was this closet racist attempting to reintroduce a taboo phrase into my vocabulary?  Wikipedia was less than helpful, so I’m pretty sure the only place to go for an answer to this question is by asking the most famous Mulatto in America.

Topic the Second: Five years ago, on a walk around my neighborhood, my pug puppy Oscar barked at a tiny infant whose parents were pushing him in the stroller.  I jokingly told the parents “He HATES babies!” as a light ice-breaker kind of joke, to get around the awkward situation of my dog having startled their toddler.  To this day, the Missus contends that this was not an appropriate response to the situation, and made us look like we raised our pug to hate tiny adorable babies.  I disagree, naturally, and will rely on the judgment of Mr Obama to settle the issue once and for all.

Finally (I’m not sure how long this dinner is going to run, but I feel like more than three topics of discussion will be pushing it), I want to see where Barack stands on my favorite conundrum, namely if you’d were going to have a one night stand with a person missing an arm or leg or what have you, wouldn’t you rather have sex with a person missing ALL their arms & legs?  I’m very interested in what Obama has to say about this topic, as I see it becoming a wedge issue in the swing states like Florida & Ohio.

I’ll keep you posted as to the inevitable results of the contest.