links for 2008-05-31

• The ruins of Detroit
  (tags: detroit abandoned photography photos ruins)

Enemy of Man!

Peligro! Abejas!!

When I left lunch today with my buddy Nick (pictured, in blue), we passed a bush with hundreds of bees attempting to form a permanent home there right outside the restaurant.

The owners had contacted a high-end bee disposal firm, which consists of a sign that says “Peligro! Abejas” and a dude with a vaccum. And not even an expensive, Dyson sphere vacuum, but more of a box with a nozzle attached.

One by one this poor bastard was vacuuming up the bees. It was a lengthy, painful task, as I’m sure he got stung more than once, but it all paid off in the long run, when he drives to the homes of his mortal enemies, pulling up in front of their air conditioning intake units & releasing his angry horde. El Hombre Abeja claims another victim, and the police are none the wiser.

Now Open In Yonkers

Growing up in the 1970’s, this commercial evokes Christmas better than any carol every could. In discussing it with my friend the other day, he started singing the lyrics.

Me: It sounds awful when you sing it. You rob the song of any of its charm, you’re turning it into a jingle. I think it’s because you work in Marketing.

Friend: So did the people who wrote that commercial.

Me: Liar. They worked in heaven with Jesus & Santa Claus.

America

I’m a massive nerd

Sadly, I think that’s the second time I’ve had to use that headline on this blog.  And like the 3 billionth time I’ve used it to explain/excuse something I’m interested in.  So this time it’s the show How It’s Made on the Discovery HD channel. 

I wish I could tell you the show was about something awesome, like special secret weapons that only the government knows about or amazing seduction tips that I keep getting emails for, but in truth, the summary from the page on discovery.com reveals the sad truth: “In each episode of the series, viewers will be amazed to see how many common items are manufactured in high-tech factories around the world.”

And they’re right, I AM, I AM amazed to see how many common items are manufactured in high-tech factories around the world.

Seriously, I’m worried that the writers strike in combination with the cancelling (over the last few years) of Arrested Development, Firefly, Andy Richter Controls The Universe, Rome, Deadwood, The Sopranos, etc has fundamentally broken my ability to consume entertainment, or even recognize it.  Not counting the NBA Playoffs, a brief review of my recent “oh I should definitely record THAT” items on TiVo have been woefully lame.

• Throwdown With Bobby Flay (so embarassing) – FoodTV
• Ferocious African Crocodiles (literally an hour of wildebeest getting mangled) – Animal Planet HD
• 2008 Heads-Up Poker Championship (seriously? I’m still watching this?) – NBC
• Ebert & Roeper & the Movies (did you know that they can’t use the “thumbs up” component anymore since Ebert is suing the show, which he hasn’t appeared on in years thanks to his cancer battle? FASCINATING.  I really need to figure out how to “unsubscribe” from a season pass on this crappy fake TiVo that DIRECTV is using these days.)

So, to sum up.  I can’t recognize entertainment anymore.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go finish watching how two sided scotch tape is made.

I’ve seen some things, internet

Things that would make your hair curl.  But I don’t think I’ve seen something yet that disturbed me as much as this surgical video demonstrating the plasmablade on a corpse.  The plasmablade is to scalpels what light sabres are to sabres, cauterizing as it slices, with (miraculously) no smoking or charring of the flesh.  You should totally check out the video, especially if you’ve not yet had lunch.

You Win Again, Older Brother

Some of you may have gathered from my fear of the outdoors (bears!) and knowledge of technology that I’m not the world’s most rugged athlete. Being the son of a former professional lifeguard, I’m not sure where my complete lumpy disdain for physical exertion comes from.

As this photo of my older brother that I ran across will attest, not ALL of the apples in our family fell far from the tree. It’s an older photo, to be sure, but when we pan the camera back a little, who’s that in the window on the right?  Cue sad trombone sound

Follow up apology to J Hoberman

Okay, now I’ve heard of Takashi Murakami.  Fifteen million dollars for a sculpture of an anime character masturbating.  I know it’s an incredibly sexy sculpture, but fifteen million seems like an awful lot…

The Outdoors!

1) I took this photo over at my friend’s desk. Which means he stole the sign, in direct violation of the ordinance on the sign itself. Some unaware fool has undoubtedly been eaten as a result of my friend’s negligence.

2) There’s no need for the “Denali National Park” note at the bottom. The central message of the sign is universally applicable to the outdoors, as evidenced by this photoset.

3) Missing from the list of potential punishments for entering a closed area ($500, six months in jail) is “being eaten by a bear.”  Which I feel should be the first item on the list.