If I could, I would emboss the Centaur of Approval on all four of the following awesome sites, which I have just recently started reading: Bubblegumfink, Blue Tea, Vintage Ads & See Here. Searching for interesting/offbeat posts for the August Metafilter contest really helped me find a bunch of new/interesting blogs, which was a great side benefit.
Archive for August, 2006
So, I wrote a post a few days ago about personalized Ketchup labels, and in the comments section, someone mentioned personalized M&M’s, even going so far as to provide the URL written out, instead of hyperlinking to it. The appearance of the URL in the text of this blog now causes the blog to show up on some search engines as a result of searching for the URL. Why would anyone “search” for a URL, you ask? Well, user experience has shown that a good number of internet users actually type URLs directly into search engines instead of into the address bars of their browsers, believe it or not. So I noticed that this M&M’s url was the #2 query for strangers finding the jonsonblog, right behind the perennial favorite “sex with animals”. I thought nothing of it, until I saw the following comment appear today, at the bottom of the Ketchup post:
“I found the order for custom printed m & m’s in the coupon section of the providence journal sunday paper. It said nothing about ordering ketchup first or anything about the blog. All I wanted was to surprise my 80 year old aunt who loves m & m’s with this special custom order. What is this a scam or something? If it is, it’s pretty cruel? Please respond. “
Posted by a woman named Norma, who I assume lives in Rhode Island. I have no response for Norma, other than to tell her that the M&M’s can be ordered here, and that I’m sorry I tried to scam her into buying some of my delicious Ketchup first. Please forgive me.
I was reminded of this mathematical term a few months ago by a smart guy I work with; it refers to the point at which two trends heading in opposite directions finally pass each other. The moment, for example, the revenue from declining sales of last year’s car models is surpassed by the revenue from increasing sales of this year’s models.
I’m not convinced that it’s theoretically possible for my pugs to be getting stupider. Their brains were, at the peak of their mental prowess, wildly underpowered, haphazardly focused processing engines, the size of walnuts, with nearly the same capacity for retention & problem solving. Oscar would spontaneously choose items around the house that he found threatening, if they were new (or he hadn’t noticed them previously) and bark at them from a distance until something was done about the situation. Lola had a fear & suspicion of the Discovery channel that was so profound she would wake from the deepest REM slumber if a polar bear wandered onscreen so that she could fling herself across the room @ terminal velocity and fiercly defend the house from imminent bear invasion.
Yet somehow, stupid as they were, they seem to be slipping a bit. Lola has forgotten how to use the doggie door, and now just stares at it in trepidation (from both inside the house & out) until we open the door & let her in. Oscar has adopted the habit of trying to hump Lola, but doesn’t quite know how to do it, and so instead pounces on her directly from the side and vigorously sexually assaults her ribcage. Lola’s so confused by the whole process she just stands there, wondering what the hell is wrong with her retarded brother.
Meanwhile, every day the Little Baby Cupcake (“LBC”) gets smarter. She’s still behind them, in many ways. For example, the four of us were in the livingroom last week when the missus, out on a grocery shopping trip, called me on my cell. After the call, I said outloud “That was Mom”. The LBC had no idea what I was talking about, but the pugs immediately got up and ran to the front door, thinking I had announced their mother’s return from the store. For now, their grasp of English is better than hers, as is their mobility. But soon, it’s coming, the inflexion point. I wonder if I’ll notice the exact day it happened… “December 12th, 2006th, Emerson graduates from 5th to 3rd on House Intelligence Rankings*”…
*Yes, I have a house intelligence ranking. I store it in my massive brain.
My dad was never one of those stereotypical “roadtrip for vacation” dads, since we actually never had a holiday/vacation my whole life (cue violins). Which is why I’m such a fanatic for roadtrips, having only been on a few. Still need to do the Route 66 from LA to Chicago, if only to stop off in Tulsa and get the world’s largest handjob. I bet by the time the little baby cupcake is my age, her map of the U.S. will have many more visited states. Poor cupcake, you’re in for some long & miserable vacations!
A map of every state I’ve been to. Create your own