A proud moment, indeed

August 4, 2006

It turns out that my lowly little blog, which I’ve been writing for only a few scant months is the number one (or occasionally number two, depending on the day) result in Google for all manner of ridiculous phrases, which I find out when creepy strangers type them in & then visit, only to leave moments later, unhappy that they ended up here at all.  Current standings by phrase:

1) “fucking nerds” – #2 result

2) “check out my junk” – First place

3) “mommy likes to fuck” – #2 result.  I’m especially proud of this one, as I come in ahead of an actual porn DVD entitled “Mommy Loves Cum 2: Mommy Likes to Fuck on DVD” (currently all the way on the second page of the results, despite being the #1 most LIKELY target of any pervert typing this phrase into Google)

It’s starting to make me think I can just type any relatively obscure phrase & I’ll end up highly ranked on Google for that phrase, for whatever that’s worth.  Watch, I’ll try it right now:  “my male pug has no nuts.”  I give it a week before I’m the top result for that bit of nonsense (although it’s true, he doesn’t). For a better illustration of the power of a good Googlerank, I defer to a higher power:

When I met Andy Baio, of the fantastic blog Waxy.org, he told me that his goal in life was to replace that fucker Scott Baio as the #1 Baio on Google.  For a brief, shining moment, he did, as a cartoon he drew got printed in the NY Times, along with an article interviewing him about Disney & copyright.  But in the shifting nature of Page Rank & Search Engine re-jiggering, Charles is once again in Charge, Google Loves Chachi.  Someday, Andy Baio, you can join me at the top of Google.  It’s pretty awesome up here.



  1. I just found your blog after reading your comments about winning Wednesday’s Metafilter best post. I love your writing! I think it’s absolutely hilarious. If you need a president for your fan club, you have my email address. 😉

  2. (Eww! I hate those yellow emoticons. I didn’t realize my winky face would turn into that. Sorry!)

  3. I think wordpress does that automatically, which is funny to think that anyone bothered to program such a useless feature. But regardless, thanks for the compliment, it was a really nice way to start my day!

  4. and now you are also the second fastest growing blog on wordpress! You are the man. Tell your pug that his surgery was not in vain.

  5. Thanks, Andy! Soon, me & my nutless pug will RULE ALL WE SURVEY!!!!

  6. and now you are #1. Today wordpress, tomorrow – the world!

  7. You’re already #1 for “my male pug has no nuts”.


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