Questions about sexuality

August 17, 2006

Whenever my sinful sexual urges leave me wracked with worry for my soul, I thank my personal savior that the good folks over at the Christian Apologetics & Research Ministry have put up a page to quickly reference before I attempt anything dirty.  Sadly, pretty much everything you ask this F.A.Q. of sexual damnation leads to a predictable answer:

1) Is wife swapping okay?  No.  Wife swapping is not okay.  It is a sin.

2) Is being a transvestite okay?  No.  Being a transvestite is not okay.

3) Are sex change operations okay?  The bible does not address this question, because sex change operations were not around at the time… but no.  Sex change operations are not okay.

While I was pleased to see that oral sex is permissible (thanks to some liberal interpretations of the Word) & that there’s still a chance for an angel to have sex with my wife (but not with me, because apparently all angels are dudes, and homosexuality is not okay), for the most part I was disappointed with this series of questions.  I mean, isn’t this pretty much what everyone would expect from a Sex FAQ on a ministry site?  They might as well have replaced the whole page with one big “No”.  I guess that’s the beauty of the internet, if you don’t find what you’re looking for on one site, another one will come along eventually.



  1. Seems to me that Paul and Lori found an excuse to do whatever they want…….if you take Psalms 8:54 and combine it with Luke 2:28 and drop the first three letters, multiply by pi and then use the pythagoram theory…I think you can pee on someone….i mean, I’m not sure, but that’s the answer I came up with.

  2. When someone (I forget who) once said, “The Devil could quote the Bible to suit his purposes,” I think this little bit of ‘logic’ from the CA&R Ministry is what they had in mind.

    “The Greek word for “immorality” is porneia which means illicit sexual intercourse, i.e., fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, bestiality, etc. The English word “pornography” is derived from this Greek word. So, you can see that God desires your holiness. After all, this is why you are a Christian, to honor God, glorify Him, and live for Him.”

    Uh, wha? God desires my holiness? Back off God, I’m a married MAN. I thought you weren’t supposed to swing your sweet chariot over that way.

  3. Your personal savior is cool, but mine is poured from a green bottle into a glass with a stem.

  4. Absinthe?

  5. Eeeew. Wine, makes me less whiney.

  6. Seriously thinking about it – http://www.seborabsinth.com/

  7. Don’t do it, JK. Absinthe was only popular because it contained toxins that got you really high as they slowly caused irreparable brain/liver damage, which is why real Absinthe is now illegal. This new crap they’re selling here is like Absinthe minuts the thing that made it interesting. Like poison with all the toxins removed, it’s just a pointless scam.

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