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Screw You, Jonathan Rouse of Loughborough University

September 4, 2006

So, for a little while now I’ve been tantalizingly close to the first result on Google when you search for either the phrase “Jonathan Rouse” or just the words Jonathan and Rouse next to each other without quotes (which, I believe, is how most people search).  But so far, I’m only the #2 result, behind a British Jonathan Rouse who apparently works for some fancy sewage think tank, specializing in composting, which is pretty damn lame.  I have to take solace in the fact that I’m also the #7 result with my official press release “Jonathan Rouse Declared ‘Man of the People'” back from when I got officially declared a Man of the People and issued a Press Release about it.  Seriously.

Incidentally, six years ago I actually sent emails to the first two pages worth of results for Jonathan Rouse on Google. Only a couple of them responded to my retarded “hey, your name is Jonathan Rouse?  How about that, MY name is Jonathan Rouse too!” emails, and even then, only to say “wow… small world…” or something equally awkward.  I’m not sure if Jonathan the Compost Man was among them, but if so, I bet he was one of the ones that spurned my e-advances.  Bastard.

Overall, though, I suppose not being incredibly internet famous has its perks. The missus is already leery about the level of anonymity we currently lack, going so far as to request that I “don’t post any images of [the little baby cupcake] to the web when she’s older”.  While I admire her faith in me that I won’t get bored of blogging and abandon it the way I’ve abandoned every other passing interest I’ve had, I am not entirely sure at what age my daughter will be before I need to stop posting pictures of her.  So, it is in good faith that I ask you, the skulking pedophiles in my audience, to please let me know the instant one of my photos of the LBC gives you the urge to masturbate, and I’ll immediately cease & desist.  If, on the other hand, one of the photos of the pugs gives you the urge to masturbate, please for the love of God keep it to yourself.  Some things need to remain innocent.

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21 comments

  1. Yeah, I didn’t have that problem. I’ve been geewits for years and years. I recently googled geewits and almost took up the whole page.

    (When I read over this comment, I had typed “goggled.” I thought it was funny and almost left it.)

    Oh and thanks for the Calvin and Hobbes link. That was great!


  2. My only urges are for M&Ms, not cupcakes.


  3. I wasn’t looking at pictures of your daughter, but did catch Harrison with her photo in his crib the other day.


  4. That’s actually MORE dangerous. I hear they start young in Texas…


  5. I prefer not to see LBC and masturbate in the same sentence.


  6. BTW, you should seriously think about creating a scholarship at: http://www.jkgtc.brent.sch.uk/


  7. You kill my comment about the M&M’s to not offend, but talk about masturbating pugophiles? How dare you!

    Anyway, I also take a disgustingly egotistical pride in my google ranking. I’m number two if you search for fat man blog. The only guy beating me is that fatso that walked across America to “find himself” and was in pretty much every paper in the US and all the crappy daytime “news” shows.

    I have almost as much Google power and I just had to sit at home eating donuts and popsicles while looking for hot pictures of pugs! Who’s the loser now, Mr. Fatman Walking? Bwahahahaha.


  8. Did you realize that the #1 Google Ranking gene was passed on to the LBC? Google “Little Baby Cupcake” and she’s #1!

    You must be so, so proud.


  9. Silence, kinsley! The missus is already nervous about the LBC’s web celebrity (“weblebrity”) as it is. The last thing I need is for Cupcake to dominate Google the way her papa does!

    And as for you, Chris, kudos! You really pulled one over on that walking chump!


  10. But I’m still #2 for “San Diego Raccoon Attack” on Google. Mwah ha ha.

    Well, you know, I’m just saying.


  11. you losers have way too much spare time


  12. ignore them and keep up the blog!

    and good luck into getting to the top of google!


  13. There’s a Jonathan Rouse who is now the Chief Executive of the Local Authority of the London Borough of Croydon. (LBC!!!)


  14. Another challenger, eh? And not just for my name, but for the acronym of LBC! This is a startling development.


  15. […] to Jonathan Rouse of Loughborough University July 26th, 2007 So, a little under a year ago I wrote this entry lamenting the fact that if you typed “Jonathan Rouse” into Google (with or without […]


  16. So, I was trying to get hols of my mate Jon Rouse’s email address who used to work in the sewage and compost dept at Loughborough University but all I could find was this blog. If you have his email address, can you let me know? Ta.


  17. […] not joking) in the field of sewage maintenance.  This fact led me to author the following post: Screw You, Jonathan Rouse of Longborough University.  Later, when I seized my birthright & claimed sole ownership of the crown, I was forced to […]


  18. I think it’s great the Jon is #1. I knew him back in our Uni days. He’s a great humanitarian and a wonderful person. He spends his life ensuring that others lives are improved, so beat that!! Sorry mate, sometimes there’s a reason why you’re not #1.


    • Sorry for the duplicate post, but is this the same Lisa Evans from Loughborough Uni Drama department in the early 1990’s? Much apologies if it’s not, and no intention of being a creeper.


  19. Aha! But I AM # 1. See my more recent posts on the subject. So I guess by your rules even the universe thinks I’m better than your friend.


  20. I don’t have an opinion either way, but is this the Lisa Evans from Loughborough Uni back in the 90’s?



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