Screw You, Jonathan Rouse of Loughborough UniversitySeptember 4, 2006
So, for a little while now I’ve been tantalizingly close to the first result on Google when you search for either the phrase “Jonathan Rouse” or just the words Jonathan and Rouse next to each other without quotes (which, I believe, is how most people search). But so far, I’m only the #2 result, behind a British Jonathan Rouse who apparently works for some fancy sewage think tank, specializing in composting, which is pretty damn lame. I have to take solace in the fact that I’m also the #7 result with my official press release “Jonathan Rouse Declared ‘Man of the People'” back from when I got officially declared a Man of the People and issued a Press Release about it. Seriously.
Incidentally, six years ago I actually sent emails to the first two pages worth of results for Jonathan Rouse on Google. Only a couple of them responded to my retarded “hey, your name is Jonathan Rouse? How about that, MY name is Jonathan Rouse too!” emails, and even then, only to say “wow… small world…” or something equally awkward. I’m not sure if Jonathan the Compost Man was among them, but if so, I bet he was one of the ones that spurned my e-advances. Bastard.
Overall, though, I suppose not being incredibly internet famous has its perks. The missus is already leery about the level of anonymity we currently lack, going so far as to request that I “don’t post any images of [the little baby cupcake] to the web when she’s older”. While I admire her faith in me that I won’t get bored of blogging and abandon it the way I’ve abandoned every other passing interest I’ve had, I am not entirely sure at what age my daughter will be before I need to stop posting pictures of her. So, it is in good faith that I ask you, the skulking pedophiles in my audience, to please let me know the instant one of my photos of the LBC gives you the urge to masturbate, and I’ll immediately cease & desist. If, on the other hand, one of the photos of the pugs gives you the urge to masturbate, please for the love of God keep it to yourself. Some things need to remain innocent.