Have You Seen This Man’s Sense of Humor?

November 12, 2006

Seriously, somewhere like three weeks ago I caught a deadly case of not-funny from someone, almost like I was bit by a zombie version of Carrot Top, and ever since then I’m running at about 23 to 26% of my normal humor generating capacity.  As with all problems in my life, I immediately started casting about for someone to blame, but so far none of the accusations have stuck (I accused one of my employers of crushing my delicate humor bone with their relentless demands, but we all knew I was just looking for a scapegoat).  The truth of the matter is, I may be going through a prolonged block of notfunny, and it’s impacting every aspect of my life. 

For example, the other day I ran across this website, which sells structurally reinforced toilets for the morbidly obese, and even goes so far as to show a looping animation demonstrating ass-coverage areas on a regular seat vs one of their super-sized seats.  Ordinarily the space of time between me finding this site & writing about it here would be between 7 and 12 seconds, but I just filed it away for several days, unable to come up with a single amusing thing to say about needing to buy structurally reinforced pooping devices.

The real killer is that the annual Christmas card is weeks away, and it’s pretty much nothing but jokes.  I may just send out a blank one, or worse yet, something saccharine & appalling with a photo of the baby being cute on the front.  Dang ol’ baby, always being cute.  Maybe SHE is to blame for my sudden bout of humorlessness. 

At the heart of it all is the crippling fear that without being funny, there’s not much to me.  I mean, I may be interesting, or clever, or whatever else, but those attributes usually manifest themselves in a joke.  Lately, I keep stroking my sense of humor furiously, but it just hangs there limply in my hands, awaiting some comedy Viagra.  The irony of it all is that I probably gained some other attribute when I lost my sense of humor, like maybe I can finally throw a ball really accurately or remember things that happened more than 48 hours ago, but I’ll never know since I don’t have any call to test those skills.



  1. It happens to all of us. Speaking of toilets. I sent my husband to get a new toilet seat. He came home with a TWENTY-DOLLAR plastic seat. I was appalled! But you know what? It snaps right off for easy cleaning! So I said, “Great, we can put it in the dishwasher.”

  2. Wow! I’m a little heavier now than I used to be, but I’m certainly not fat. Having said that, I think (if money were no object) that I want one of those toilets. I’d probably finish the whole crossword in one sitting – not that it would make me smarter, but it seems comfy enough to sit on for the entire week it takes me to get part-way through the puzzle.

    Jon – your funny hasn’t left, you’re just in a mild slump. Besides, the fatty potty has way too many obvious jokes and with you being a fine conessieur* of the funny, you refuse to go there. I blame the food poisoning. You’ll be fine. As for me, I’m slipping farther and farther towards Howie Mandel territory everyday. Used to be ammusing, but now I’m merely corny and bald. At least you’re around smart, funny people on a regular basis – or at least people who provide ample opportunity for mocking.

    *I’m a lazy sack o’ shit and I’m not about to look up the correct spelling.

  3. Geewits’ comment makes me take a left turn here.

    I remember coming home from my freshman year in college to discover that my mother had developed a new passion…..cooking in the dishwasher.

    “But there’s so much less to clean up”, she said.
    “It all gets wrapped up in foil and gets done perfectly’, she said.

    “Mom, dinner always tastes like steamed steam”, I said.

    She got over it eventually.

  4. “steamed steam”

    I laughed so hard I had a coughing fit!

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