My new neighbors can’t move in until my current neighbor dies

January 2, 2007

So, like I mentioned last May, my 70 year old neighbor passed away suddenly, stranding his 900 year old mother, who has lost any connection to the world around her, and literally is near vegetative.  She still lives in the house next door, if you call spending your days playing the world’s longest game of chess with the grim reaper “living,” while a host of different paid caretakers come & go.  My wife is fairly convinced they are actually slow-motion looters, as the evening shift frequently passes the morning shift on its way out, carrying furniture & other belongings & loading them into the pickup.  From what we’ve been able to figure out, the son was an only child, and the mother (who was originally from Greece & spoke little English even when she had some of her mind left) has no other living relatives.

Even though we were next-door neighbors, her son & I never spoke all that much.  Now that he’s gone, there are a couple interesting issues. 

  1. His car is still parked in front of their house, under a tree that houses several flocks of the world’s most incontinent pigeons.  After 7 months, there’s really just the outline of the car in a mountain of birdshit.  If you could chisel off the external coating and flip it upside-down, you’d have the world’s most disgusting Jello mold of a Ford Taurus.  The mom can’t drive, and the hired caretakers have no interest in the car, so it will continue to stay there until the house sells.
  2. They (the mom/son combo) had lived in the house for half a century, and the wooden fence between our homes (which is technically on their property) is so termite-riddled and ancient that half of it has fallen over – the half in the front, that separated our driveways.  The caretakers have no interest in fixing it, and the mom doesn’t realize the fence even exists, so it will continue the slow descent into “non-fence” status until I cave and build a fence on my own property to keep my stupid pugs from wandering off. The bummer is, right before he died, the son & I discussed the fence & he said he’d gladly pay to have it replaced, but then he had a heart attack.  I swear, why do bad things always have to happen to me!

So, I’m curious how this will all pan out.  It’s Jan 1, 2007, and to be honest when I met this woman in June of 2005 I would have bet money on her not living to see 2007.  Frankly, since I never actually see her outside the house, she may well be like Norman Bates’ mother, her long dead corpse drying up in a rocking chair while the caretakers continue to draw money from some sort of escrow.  But eventually that ruse will be discovered & one way or another, there will be new neighbors.  I mean, the house is decrepit, haunted & most likely completely looted out, but it’s still worth well over $1,000,000.  Who will our new neighbors be?  When will they move in?  Will the ghost of the world’s oldest Greek woman haunt the place after she passes away?  I wonder what my future new neighbors are doing right now, if they’re even in the market for a house yet?  Man, I hope they’re cool, and that they have a little daughter Emerson’s age.



  1. “I wonder what my future new neighbors are doing right now, if they’re even in the market for a house yet? Man, I hope they’re cool, and that they have a little daughter Emerson’s age.”

    And a desire to build a new fence?

    The neighbor story sounds creepy. Why don’t you call the county seniors service people and tell them your concerns? If the situation is really bad, they will get her out of there. If you can’t figure out who to call, call Meals on Wheels. They can direct you to the proper authorities.

    Anyway, good luck with that and Happy New Year!

  2. Yeah, I’m with geewits. Maybe that’s not what you were looking for with this post, but I think you can call it your civic duty to call about this. Just to make sure that 1. she really is still alive and 2. explain how things are disappearing. You might not be able to prove that anything was moved out previously, though you can photo it happening from now on, but it might be obvious just by looking in the house. That’s just WRONG.

    Besides, if she’s really bad off they may move her into a home and sell the house to pay for that and you could have cool new neighbors much sooner!

  3. First of all, I am sure she is not 900 years old. 90, maybe. 900, likely not. Secondly, I can’t believe you called your pugs stupid. Thirdly, the 900 year old greek woman’s ghost will most certainly haunt it, yours too if you are lucky and she can read your blog. And last, I hope your new neighbors have a little boy a few years older than Emerson. Cause come 10 or so years from now, your blogs will be far more fun to read. ;)HNY!

  4. Oh but you’re mistaken, aimee. She’s 900. Perhaps even older; when I said she was from Greece, I meant Ancient Greece. When she was born there was a “Parthenon coming soon” sign atop the Acropolis.

    Also, trust me when I tell you that my pugs are staggeringly unfailingly stupid. Rudimentary math questions leave them scratching their heads. Or maybe that’s just the fleas. But regardless: pugs = dimwits.

  5. A former neighbor of mine was a caretaker hired to watch over vegetative older people. She would usually live there during the week and come back on the weekends. Almost every week she came back with new lamps, furniture, household items, and such. I totally agree with you that the place is probably being looted.

    Also, I’d love to see a picture of that car!

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