Archive for April 29th, 2007


Up Yours, People of Calimesa

April 29, 2007

I swear to God I should be running Verizon.  I couldn’t be doing a worse job than the doorknob they have in charge of Fiber Optic internet service right now.

If you had asked me earlier tonight: true/false, is there a city called Calimesa?  I would have flipped a coin to determine my answer.  But apparently not only IS there such a city (deep in Riverside county), but all 7000 of its residents can enjoy a nice break from their 9-5 meth lab work to surf the web at ungodly speeds, thanks to the fuckers at Verizon who have dutifully outfit the entire city for Fiber Optic internet service.

For those who don’t know about bandwith and such, here’s a quick primer: in 1994 when I first got online, it was at 14,400 kbps and it cost $35/month.  By the time I switched to DSL it was at 128,000 Kbps and it cost about $45/month.  Verizon Fiber Optic offers a $50 package at 15,000,000 Kbps, but the downside is that you have to live in an area that they’ve wired for the service.  These areas are a closely guarded secret by Verizon, and apparently they choose the next one to wire not by a detailed analysis of household income or broadband early adoption, but by spinning a fucking dial, or asking a goat, or some other soothsayer invocation. 

According to this page I found, West Los Angeles, Beverly Hills, San Francisco, San Jose, Mountain View & Palo Alto are NOT on the Fiber Optic list, but internet hotbeds Calimesa, Indio, Wildimar & Mennifee are.  This is some serious bullshit.  Unless there’s a chance that high consumer internet speeds may cause errectile dysfunction and they want to test it on the lawsuit-impaired yokels in the boonies (a fine corporate tradition), in which case I’m fine with it.  But by now the “test-market” idea should be through, and the “rank the zip codes in order of profitability and start wiring at the top” stage of rollout should be in play.

To quote an old friend: dangpants!