Archive for April, 2007

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Thou Shalt Always Kill

April 21, 2007

Dan Le Sac vs Scroobius Pip ‘Thou Shalt Always Kill’

Goddamn this is awesome.

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Poets and Clownfuckers

April 20, 2007

I was thinking the other day that the people who really like poetry, I mean, they read it, they value it, they buy books of it just to own them, and not to be seen walking around carrying books of poetry, have got to be a very small percentage of the people out there.  I mean, everyone’s gonna SAY they like poetry, but almost no one really does.  To be clear here, I don’t mean song lyrics, or plays written in iambic pentameter, or dirty limericks.  I mean regular old poetry.  The thing is, few people want to mock poetry because it’s commonly perceived to be a good thing to appreciate, spiritually enriching, etc.  There’s probably several things like this, in the highbrow vein.  Opera, or experimental jazz, for example, where few people like the subject, but it’s widely praised.

The dark mirror of the niche poetry audience has to be people who are sexually turned on by clowns.  I mean, if you round to the nearest percentage point, statistically probably the same percentage of Americans genuinely love poetry as get aroused by clowns, but the social acceptance is the exact opposite.  Little was made of Clinton giving Lewinsky a copy of Whitman’s Leaves of Grass, but if he had slipped her a dossier full of clownfucking erotica, you can bet we’d STILL be hearing about it today.  As someone who likes neither clownsex nor poetry, particularly (I mean, there’s some okay poems, I guess, and I suppose I could rank some clowns ahead of others, if I HAD to have sex with a clown), I wonder who sets the social agenda here.  Why, arbitrarily is the one tiny group lauded for doing a thing nobody likes and the other tiny group excoriated for it?

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links for 2007-04-19

April 19, 2007
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Expensive Refrigerator, why do you haunt my dreams?

April 18, 2007

I see you there, on the internet, taunting me with your retro styling & colors, and your obscene price tag.  Someday, you will be mine.  And I will be living in the cardboard box you arrive in.  Until that day, expensive refrigerator, just know that I am thinking of you.  Every time you go home with someone else, someone wealthy, I know you realize in your cold, cold heart that he could never love you the way I do.  He will never stock your freezer compartments with tater tots, if you understand my metaphor.*  I see you ship with “automatic moisture control.”  That’s just because you’ve never been with me, baby.

Why, refrigerator? Why must you be so expensive?  Our love is like Romeo & Juliet, where I am a Montague & you are something a Montague would have to sell his baby to afford.  And don’t think I haven’t considered it, my sleek retro fetish object.  Apparently there are laws against this sort of thing, laws that the missus is only too familiar with.  What’s that you say, my darling refrigerator?  Yes, that’s true… if she were out of the picture, then it’d be just you and me.  And the LBC, and the pugs. 

Your 20.9 cubic feet of chilled storage space could never contain my boundless affections.  Someday we shall be together & I will melt all the ice in your freezer faster than your internal ice maker can replace it.  The current model in my kitchen is a shallow harlot, she cannot hold a candle to your majesty, your 2 half-width clear crisper pans and your Energy Star compliance…

What kind of cruel God would allow a refrigerator like you to exist and yet not provide me with the means to own you?

* Not an actual metaphor – I loves me some tots!

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links for 2007-04-17

April 17, 2007
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links for 2007-04-14

April 14, 2007
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I dodged a gay bullet!

April 13, 2007

This article on the Top 10 Gay Cars was linked via Metafilter tonight, and even though I was sure the Silver Phantom (commonly known as a grey Prius) would be #1 on the list, it’s nowhere to be found.  Yay, non-gay car!  Of course, for someone concerned about what my car says about me, driving around with a pirate bumper sticker may not send the best signals.  On the plus side, this comment (“That list is so gay, it should, like, be on the 10 Most Gayest Gay Lists List”) is one of the funniest things I’ve read at Metafilter in a while.