Narrowing Down The List

June 12, 2007

While I’m not sure once I’m dead whether I’ll have my ashes stored in a stuffed bear or merely thrown in the face of one of the numerous enemies I will have acquired by then, one thing that I know for sure is that I no longer need to have my corpse dug up & sodomized, because last night I watched Shooter, the movie of the awesome book Point of Impact, and it felt pretty much like Hollywood was raping my corpse.

One of the side effects of Old Man Grumpus syndrome is that you lose your sense of optimism.  True quote – the other day my Mom said that the last time she’d felt optimistic was November 22nd, 1963, which is pretty awesome since I was born like 8 years later, but still, she has a point.  Optimism is harder & harder to come by, especially when it comes to big Hollywood movies.  I take a lot of crap from people at work for my constant movie pessimism (“There’s no way THAT’s not going to suck!” is my usual post movie trailer quote), but I’m also pretty much always right.

I need things to stop sucking, and then maybe I’ll consider not being so pessimistic all the damn time.


  1. Thanks for letting me know I don’t need to see it. Love the books. Hate hating movies made from books I love.

    I don’t know if you ever read Hart’s War, but it has one of the most cinematic opening chapters I’ve ever read. I was totally psyched when I heard they were making a movie out of it. Then, that horrible piece of shit starring Bruce Willis came out and it was the definition of SUCK! I mean, hey, go ahead and change who lives and who dies based on the actors’ salaries.

    Stick with the pessimism. It works.

  2. Buck up li’l camper! According to the ancient Maya the world isn’t suppossed to end until Dec. 21, 2012 at 11:11GMT. That means only about 5 more years of crappy movies!

  3. Nooooo! SHooter Sucked? How could it be? With Marky Mark playing a roll of a Vietnam Vet? Wasn’t he like two during that war?

    BTW, is it already out on DVD? OR did you watch a bootleg?

  4. No comment!

  5. Oh, and Nathan, thanks for the Hart’s War recommendation, I’ll check it out (the book, not the movie).

    JK – one of the 615 facts they changed between Shooter (the movie) and Point of Impact (the book) was the time period. Wahlberg’s a special forces vet from some clandestine action in Ethiopia, not a Vietnam vet. Also, in addition to being the world’s greatest sniper, in the movie he at approximately Batman’s skill level when it comes to hand-to-hand combat, and has Jason Bourne’s tactical black-ops training for improvised field warfare. They might as well have just given him super powers like heat vision or impenetrable skin, for all the risk/danger you ever feel like he’s in.

  6. Damn IT!

  7. How about this? Perhaps I’ll ask to have mine left “ON” in the coffin and have someone call my number during the eulogy. I’m wondering what ringtone to download just before I die . . .

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