The Internet Thinks I Have A Thing For Asians

August 16, 2007

I get a lot of Spam email. A LOT. I’ve had this email address for 10+ years, and in the early days I was a drunken Paris Hilton level of promiscuous with what I signed up for & who got my email address. Turns out that over time, there can be repurcussions. Fortunately, that’s what corporate spam catching software is for. 

But as I was wondering just exactly how much spam I get, I decided to do an experiment. I collected all the spam from last Friday @ 5:00 PM through this Monday @ 8:00 AM. 638 messages in all. And the other night I got bored & divided them up into sub categories to try and better understand what the internet thinks about me.  Click the image on the right for a detail view.

As one might imagine, the majority of the unsolicited email preyed upon the standard human needs/weaknesses. Companionship, money, greed, curiosity. I chose large hierarchies, like Sexual Services, Financial Services, Drugs, Random Product Sales, and the weirdest one, PDF attachments. I guess the spammers think that by hiding the message in the PDF it won’t be caught by the anti-spam software. A) They’re wrong, but more to the point, b) who the hell opens up unsolicited email attachments from strangers with no body copy to clarify? This tactic must be working for someone, because I got 41 of these PDF attachment emails, which is almost as many emails as I got about drugs to keep my penis hard.

Within the top hierarchies, I sub-categorized.

Sometimes the categories weren’t clear; like, I received a bunch of emails in Spanish, but I didn’t bother to figure out what each one was, I just lumped them under “Foreign Language” in the “Random Products” category.

I’ve been thinking about the categorization, and I realize that both the “Products” category and the “Drugs” category are artificially inflated as I put genital related products (pumps, patches) & drugs (Viagra, Cialis) into those categories when they could very well have gone into the “Sex” category.

Among the “Sex” category, miscellaneous non-specific sexual escapades was the number one item being offered, but as far as specific services, Interracial hotties was the number one lure. In specific, the majority of these hotties were Asian.

The least popular sexual service, with only one email over the weekend, was gay porn.

In an amusing side note, a friend of mine whose midlife crisis took the form of leaving his wife & family to be gay once told me that Asian women were the gateway drug of homosexuality; it starts with a love of smaller breasts, slighter curves, eventually you’re just transitioning to young men.  I have no idea if this is true, but I plan on tracking the amount of Gay email spam I receive over time to see if the internet has plans for me.



  1. If Emma doesn’t get into her preschool because the director googles parents’ names, and she reads your blog entries, you’re in big trouble.

  2. I have faith that the LBC cuteness level has a 50/50 shot of overshadowing her father’s darker side like vibrant sunshine on the Death Star.

    “The Death Star plans are not in the main computer.”
    -Terry McGovern, aka Storm Trooper

  3. Speaking of LBC, couldn’t this time have spent with her or if she was sleeping spent with the missus making a brother or sister?

  4. Hush your mouth, jk!! The LBC is an only child & proud of it.

  5. Asian women certainly don’t have a monopoly on smaller breasts and slighter curves! They just (gladly) haven’t caught up with the rest of fat ass America!

  6. Oh Jessica, I can read between the lines. You’re nervous that Chuck’s 1/2 gay. I’m sure it’s just a urban myth. I mean, I’d keep an eye on him and all, but I doubt you have to really worry.

  7. He does enjoy a pink shirt every now and then…:P

  8. I would have denied these spurious allegations without haste, had I not been listening to Belle & Sebastian and day-dreaming of horses.

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