W00t! Prepare the BaconSalted popcorn & disaster movie festivals, I will be the one on the couch with the warm sleeves.
Archive for October, 2007
Unfortunate Tattoo
October 30, 2007On my lunch break just now, my co-worker and I drove by a young woman in a tube top(!) standing on a corner. She had the word “BRIAN” tattooed on her chest, right above her boobs, which led to the following exchange:
Me: Did you see that?
Co-worker: Yeah. I guess she really likes Brian.
Me: Let’s hope so. If they broke up, it’d be really awkward for the next guy. “Every time I titfuck my girlfriend, I come on her ex boyfriend’s name.”*
*This post was directly inspired by the disgraceful lack of vulgarity on the jonsonblog in recent times.
Return Receipt Requested
October 30, 2007
This is my favorite Outlook notice ever. I got it when bulk deleting the 200 spam emails I received between leaving work last night & arriving this morning. Why would “China Larissa” (if indeed that is her name!) ask for a return receipt notifying her of the email deletion?
The BaconSalt Has Arrived
October 29, 2007
And for the next six months, everything consumed in this house (EVERYTHING: Steak, Ice Cream, Grape Nuts, Bacon) will taste of delicious, smokey bacon.
The City of Boston Must Be Stopped
October 25, 2007As I write this, the Patriots are 7-0, Boston College is undefeated & ranked #2 in the nation, the Red Sox just won game 1 of the World Series by 12 runs and the Celtics are about to begin the NBA season after signing Ray Allen & Kevin Garnett and giving up nothing much in exchange for them, making them the pre-season favorites to represent the East in the NBA finals next spring. Apparently Boston also has a professional ice-hockey team, but I don’t know what’s going on with them. Probably something annoying.
So, allow me to add my voice to the growing chorus of people on the web lamenting this state of affairs and demanding that someone do something. My initial thoughts involved Tom Brady getting run over by a car, but then I realized I was thinking small. What this situation calls for is Tom Brady to be driving in one direction, at like 50 m.p.h., and then running head on into another car being driven by Paul Pierce in the opposite direction. Also, they’re both giving a lift to Manny Rodriguez & David Ortiz, respectively. Finally, just as every Boston sports fan on Earth arrives at the scene of the crash to see if anyone survived, the gas tanks explode. Alright, the concepting phase is officially done – now someone make that happen.
Men are different than women
October 21, 2007In talking with the missus the other night, I made an offhanded comment about the perpetual horniness of teenage boys, and when the comment was greeted with mild skepticism, I responded “oh please, when I was 14 I would have tried to fuck an apple if I could find an apple corer with roughly the same diameter as my penis.”
Now, we’re pretty close, the missus and I. We’ve been together for nearly 10 years, married over 7 of those, and we’ve seen a lot of each other during that time. But she literally has no idea if I’m exaggerating for comic effect or if my fetish for older women extended to include Granny Smith. And that’s really as it should be.
All I can say is, I’m glad the LBC is not a little boy, I don’t want to have to gaze around the kitchen suspiciously in 12 years.
Nerd Boner: ACTIVATE
October 17, 2007Where The Wild Things Are, directed by Spike Jonze, written by Spike Jonze & Dave Eggers. Viewed by Jonathan Rouse, probably multiple times. The movie future looks bright, with this, Watchmen & World War Z on the way. Of course, films made from things that aren’t children’s books, or comics, or zombie novels could probably be good too. Shut up, I’m plenty smart, I don’t need your approval!!
