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Slanket FAQ

November 2, 2007

My recent acquisition of a Slanket  has triggered a number of questions from jonsonblog readers, both in the comments and in my real-life interactions.  Towards that end, I have compiled the following FAQ.

  1. Q: Does the Slanket actually exist?  Do you own one?  A: Yes, I own a Slanket. This product actually exists, and I own one.
  2. Q: Is it called a Slanket because it is a blanket with sleeves? A: Not at all; the inventor, Finnegan Q. Slanket wanted to honor his family name.  Of course it is called Slanket because it is a Blanket with Sleeves. Dumbass.
  3. Q: Is there a hole for your junk? A: You have the Slanket confused with some sort of masturbation aid.  I understand why, as it is a product you first heard of here on the jonsonblog, which likely means it has some association in your mind with genitalia & the proper use thereof.  Nonetheless, this product is only for warming of the torso & arms and should not cause orgasms in any way except among cozy fetishists.
  4. Q: Will you be providing a product review? A: It is a Slanket.  You put your arms in the sleeves & lie on the couch reading Thoreau playing videogames.  What is there to review?
  5. Q: Isn’t the Slanket just a terrycloth bathrobe that you wear backwards? A: No, but I see how you could make that mistake.  Here, refer to the following diagram:

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10 comments

  1. Hmm…you make good points.

    Could this new “Slanket” be worn by person “A”, with person “B” putting their arms in the sleeves? In this way, person “A” would be able to say, “stop that”, however I…er…person “B” would not have to worry about getting slapped?

    Of course, to make the best of this, the third sleeve would be a bonus.


  2. Even after reading the FAQ’s I was still confused. Thank you for the diagrams. That made everything clear.

    I’m wearing my bathrobe backwards right now. I’m not that old, but I may have a little of the other thing.

    Sightly off topic:

    Why is arguing on the internet like running in the Special Olympics? Even if you win, you’re still a retard.

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I crack me up.


  3. you’re kind of mean, JR. But I like your visual aid. Thank you.


  4. I AM kinda mean. I should try to be better.


  5. You should still do a product review. Sure, you put your arms through and lie on the couch – but do the sleeves stay put or fall down to your elbows? Is it actually cozy? Does it seem like it could fall apart after 4 uses?

    Besides, if you write a product review you could send it (along with your Venn diagrams) to the fine folks at Slanket and they could quote you in their promotional materials,like:

    “Slanket is the feel-good blanket with sleeves of the winter!”
    – Jonsonblog


  6. Have you explored wearing the Slanket as a pair of billowy pants?

    Now who’s the retard?!


  7. Imagine a “slanket” with your favorite team logo on it! You and your buddies could get together for the big game, doused in slankets. Not only cozy, but manly too!


  8. How about an outer wear version? The Slacket? Wait that would be a jacket on backwards?


  9. Slacker: One who dons a slanket and plays video games. A happy slacker has an extra hole for his junk.


  10. I do use this as a masturbation tool in the winter months. I’m warm and orgasmic and my heting bills are back to normal.



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