Marriage Dead Pool

November 20, 2007

Nationally it seems like the divorce rate is still hovering around 50%, but literally NONE of my friends, who are all married and mostly with kids are getting divorced.  Zero.  I never thought about it until today, but that’s a weird statistical anomaly. 

Counting off the top of my head, I can think of 20 couples from work, family, friends, the missus’ work, etc.  And sure, some of those couples have already been through a marriage previously, etc, but in the last 10 years, none of the people I know have gotten a divorce.  I’ve never had to have those”which one of the people in the marriage will I side with” or “I wonder if I can get back the wedding present” thoughts.

This must mean, logically, that somewhere there’s an alternajonson who is like the Grim Reaper for relationships.  EVERY single one of his married friends must be either divorcing, separated, cheating and about to be caught, etc.  Who is this scary fucker, and does he counter balance all of my statistical anomalies or just the divorce rate one?  Because I’m also statistically very unlucky at sports betting, and if this dude got unhappy divorced friends but crazy lucky gambling, I’m not sure I got the better end of the deal.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, friends who read this, I’m glad you’re not divorced.  But at the same time, I really like gambling.



  1. I can solve your problem! Let’s bet one of your friends will get divorced in the next year.

  2. Ah, the cat/buttered toast test. So, I would bet in favor of the divorce, eh? It’s an intriguing suggestion, but I think my bad gambling luck is primarily sports related. Besides, it would probably hurt the friendship in the long run if I couldn’t console my troubled friends because I was too busy celebrating my victory. Jesus. Selfish friends! Why can’t they be happy for ME?? Now I hope they DO get divorced.

  3. LOL…now THAT was awesome.

  4. Cross Reference the educational levels and the income of the couples you know. I bet divorce rates for uneducated and lower income levels are higher.

    If you hung around a lot of stupid poor people those you’d have plenty of divorced friends.

  5. I don’t know about the stupid poor people deal. Seems like movie stars get divorced all the time. Hmmm. They are rather dim though, huh?

  6. Sadly, jk, the only time I’m around stupid poor people is when I go to Gambling Anonymous meetings. At first I thought they all seemed so unfamiliar and different, but soon I realized how much we have in common…

  7. Wow, I was just thinking about this same thing the other day — but aside from my sister & brother-in-law, a sizeable number of my married peers have gotten (or are getting) divorced in the past 5 years. This includes me and my three best friends. We make lousy spouses, evidently! (Or just have lousy tastes in SO’s. Which is worse?)

    Oh, and as for this: “Cross Reference the educational levels and the income of the couples you know. I bet divorce rates for uneducated and lower income levels are higher.”

    …everyone I know who’s gotten a divorce has a graduate degree. Smarty-pants have bad marriages, too.

  8. Holy crap, Scody – are YOU my reverse doppelganger, the fabled antijonson of legend? But we’ve been in the same room together and the universe didn’t end. It’s all so confusing – where is Erwin Schrödinger when you need him??

    As for JK’s comment (and Mr Kinsley & scody’s responses) I can see the education level not factoring into divorce rates, but I’m sure the income level comes into play. While money can’t buy happiness, one of the things poverty can best afford is strife. Arguments about money and how to spend what little of it there is quickly become arguments about other things that end up driving a wedge.

  9. Isn’t it called Gamblers Anonymous? and don’t those people actually gamble money?? Like more money than they can afford? They don’t even let you go to those meetings if you admit that you’re problem is that you lost a three dollar bet on the NCAA tournament three years ago. You’d get laughed outta the meeting.

    You need to go to People Who Won’t Stop Thinking About The Three Dollars They Lost in March of 2005 meetings.

  10. I was gonna say something really funny about marriage but I’d better keep my mouth shut. It was gonna be good though.

  11. Holy crap. There’s a first time for everything. You must have been going to your People Who Should Hold Their Tongues meetings.

    As for the gambling, I don’t know what the meetings are called, ’cause I’m never going. Quitting is for losers!

  12. I gave up quitting years ago. It’s good to be off (on?) the wagon.

  13. Ha. I thought that once too. But apparently divorce is like a row of dominos. It’s like one couple goes down, and they all go down.

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