Happy Birthday to ME!

November 27, 2007

As previously mentioned, I share the same birthday as Jimi Hendrix, Chick Hearn & Bruce Lee, and while I have “being awesome” in common with them, the one thing I notice about all my awesome birthday pals is that they are all dead.  And two of them (Hendrix/Lee) died younger than I am now. 

I’m officially 36 today, closer to 70 than 0.  I’m not good with math, so it’s possible that “closer to 70 than 0” thing happened last year, but it just occurred to me today.  Seventy.  Jesus.  That’s old.  I better get moving on this finding a small town to retire to.  Thank God I had an adorable baby or my life would be almost completely devoid of accomplishments by this point.  I need to start working on a list of things to do before I die.  I’ll start now.

  1. Burn down the Mazda dealership in Irvine where I bought that shitty MX6 back in 1994 (they’ll never suspect it after all these years, it’s the PERFECT CRIME).
  2. Umm….

Hm.  I’m starting to see why I’ve accomplished so little.  Poor planning.

All right, enough blogging, I’ve got some pipe bombs to make. 



  1. Happy B-Day, “old” man. You AREN’T that far behind me. 😉

  2. Got you beat. I’m closer to 80 than 0. Fuck. That’s not good, is it.

    BTW, email me at n-dot-gen-at-verizon-dot-net. I received a bunch of pics of fuckable trees today and i just know you’re the guy who’d appreciate them.

    Happy Birthday.

  3. Only if they look kinda female. I’m no Tree Homo!!

  4. Some do! The rest is for your feminine side.

    Happy B-day.


  5. Just send me and LBC a postcard from your small town or prison whichever it may be . . .
    – Happy Birthday hubby!

  6. Happy B-day.

    Can you do a chin up?

    I had a conversation with a buddy the other day about growing old and it lead to a discussion about being in the African wilderness.

    And building a shelter under a tree, surrounding it with thorn bushes, and dangling a rope from the tree branch in the center so if you are attacked by Lions, the thorn bushes would slow them just enough for you to scramble up the rope to avoid being eaten.

    He said that wouldn’t work because he wasn’t strong enough to pull himself up a rope.

    I said that is pathetic! He replied I’m getting old!

    He is 36!

    JK Life Rule #146. At the very least, always be strong enough to life your own body weight up a rope.

    That way you can escape over whatever prison wall you find yourself in as well as flee from lions.

    BTW, I think their may be a unique buisiness opportunity in Shitty Car Dealership retribution! Kinda like a contract killer, but of car dealerships. How much would you pay to see that Mazda dealership have a terrible accident?

  7. other famous bdays you share: Jaleel White, Eddie Rabbit, Fisher Stevens, Robin Givens
    and let us not forget what other ‘special’ things happened on the day of your birth:
    +beginning of Seminole war
    +establishment of the Nobel prize
    +Beatles release Magical Mystery Tour
    +Pope Paul VI stabbed in the chest on visit to the Phillipines by dagger-wieding Bolivian painter disguised as a priest
    +Pierre Trudeau forms Canadian government
    +Harvey Milk shot dead by Dan White
    +Undertaker defeats Hulk Hogan to become next WWF champion

    You are one lucky man…

  8. Oy vey. When your brother and I graduated from law school, we did not come equipped with a Get Out of Jail Free card. Just so you know.

  9. me thinks you are approaching cougar territory . . .

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