I could not help myself. It is my nature.

January 4, 2008

I was reminded of the tale of the frog & the scorpion today as I needed to get onto a web forum to look up some information.  My co-worker had already registered for the forum, which he told me was a laborious process.  I asked for his login/pw combo, as I didn’t need to type anything, just look up some info, but the boards were viewing restricted to login only.  He hesitated for the briefest moment, then gave me the info.  The hesitation made me think “what, does he think I’ll post something inappropriate in his name?  Hey wait, that’s a great idea.”  Seconds later, I’m in the General Info section of the forums and the following new post is up:

Who Here Likes Cock?

I can’t get enough of it, personally. Normally I like it in my mouth, but sometimes it’s fun to have it smeared around my face.  Oh well, thanks for sharing!

 Sincerely, Nathan.

Then, I hit Submit, but not before clicking the “email me with any responses to this topic.”  After all, a joke’s not funny if the recipient never finds out.  Twenty minutes later I get the ranting phone call from his extension.  Apparently he was banned from the forum, and he found out about the thread when someone responded with “This guy is 100% correct!”

It occurs to me that it may be difficult earning his trust in the future.  Our discussion of the incident ended with him saying “The fault lies with me.  I trusted you & I shouldn’t have and I knew better.”  Clearly next time I will need to sit down at his desk while he’s out.  Thank god for persistent cookies.



  1. At first I thought it read, “Who here likes cookies?” Thankfully, I was wrong.

  2. Oh, Jonathan. Really now. It’s time to give up this little charade you have going on. Sure, it’s funny to type in that you like me under Nathan’s name, but let’s cut to the chase. I think YOU are really the one who can’t get enough of me.

    Think about it – What’s the first thing you think of to say when you get flustered in the bathroom? “My penis is shaped funny. Don’t tell anyone.” Would a non-cock lover ever really be able to link their blog to gay Nazi blow jobs? And what is your favorite single panel cartoon? You know, the one with the guy masturbating while wearing the propeller cap.

    All of these things (and much more) are a sign… a sign that points directly to me. I don’t know why you can’t see this. Even with only one eye it’s as clear as day to me. So come on, give me a call! We can hang out and watch the NFL playoffs while snuggling on the couch. You’ll have to do all the snuggling of course, seeing as I don’t have any arms. Just please try not to smear me all over your face. That’s just creepy.

  3. My New Years Wish:

    Johnson gets a co-worker to torture with a name like Greg or Hugh or Matthew.

    Disclaimer: My workplace is almost 3000 miles from Johnson’s workplace.

  4. Wiping tears from eyes from laughter.

    The Frog and the Scorpion is my all time favorite story. I first heard it in the super under-rated comedy Skin Deep.

    Jonson, Jonson, funny that you scolded me the other day for mocking poor Nathan and now you have subjected to him to one of the funniest pranks I have seen in some time!

    Nathan, hang in there. If you want to get even tell him only men with small genitalia and can’t satisfy their wives have girls. (Look it up)

    After reading this entry, I wouldn’t say, “I’m a fan of cock.” But he really has funny comments.

    Keep on posting cock!

  5. Actually, jk, it’s a different Nathan. The co-worker “Nathan” rarely if ever posts here on the jonsonblog. I think he has trouble reading.

  6. Dear JK,

    Thanks for the kind words. It’s ok if you’re a fan of mine – I won’t tell anyone. I like hanging around here, so I do think I’ll try to stay up on the goings on and reply back whenever possible. It is rather hard for me to type, not having any arms. I have to employ a hunt-and-peck strategy around the keyboard. It’s nuts! But don’t worry, I’ll come back.

    Oh! I forgot to mention in my last post about Jon being a fan – look at the name of his blog. JONSON! I mean, come on already. If that isn’t a gigantic cry for my attention then I don’t know what is.

  7. Wait! Cock said it’s rather hard for him!!!

  8. Ha! Oh man, I didn’t even notice that. In that same vein of things I hadn’t noticed before, jk you said in a previous comment “Keep posting cock.” Sounds to me like you want a picture. I guess you’re a bigger fan than I realized. If I start a fan club I’ll make sure you’re a member.

  9. Cock, while we’re discussing nuts and members, one of my nuts seems to be lower than the other. Should I see a doctor or a therapist?

    Hang Low
    Irvine, CA

  10. Dear Hang,

    Not to worry my testicularly imbalanced friend! I was talking to the two guys I hang around with and they told me that 85% of all men have their port-side nad hanging lower than the right. So, you’re totally normal. Although that totally depends on just HOW LOW we’re talking here. If it’s getting used for jumping rope or wearing as a scarf while Mr. Right is stuck in your pocket, you may want to skip the therapist and doctor and seek out a structural engineer.


    PS – Hey Jonson! This is kind of fun. Maybe we should start a regular “Ask Cock” feature here. I’d be up for it!

  11. “Actually, jk, it’s a different Nathan. The co-worker “Nathan” rarely if ever posts here on the jonsonblog. I think he has trouble reading.”

    Im unna kik yur ass!

  12. If this advice blog really takes off, askcock.com is taken, but askthecock.com is available.

  13. Thanks Mac for the info. I’ll have my legal team* get on that and sue the living crap out of askcock.com. How dare they try to give me the shaft like that!

    *By “my legal team” I’m of course referring to all male lawyers everywhere. They’re all dicks, right? This should be taken care of by end of business tomorrow.

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