I’m gonna fuck this blog like it stole something*

January 17, 2008

If it’s true what they say about absence making the heart grow fonder, then avert your eyes ’cause I am about to make sweet, sweet love to the jonsonblog “New Post” button.

Yeah baby, you know how I like it, you little wordpress hussy, with your permalinks & tagging system.  Are you flirting with me?  Because the time for flirting is over, it’s time to knock one out right here on the desktop.  Oh… Oh God… whoa…  Sorry.  THAT’S never happened before, I promise you.  No, I swear, normally I can get my underwear all the way off before I come.  I think I was just a little overexcited because it had been so long and you look so good tonight baby. 

Tell you what, my recharge time isn’t what it once was back in the day, when the jonsonblog was new & getting more frequent (and saucier) updates.  I’m older, I’ve had a kid, things are slowing down for me.  But if you give me like three hours and spend the whole time talking increasingly dirtier, I’m pretty sure I’ll be good to go again.  I’m gonna just lie here & have a little nap… so sleepy… sooooo sleeeepy… zzzzzzzzzzzz.

*The title of this post lifted from an old friend, who once said of his girlfriend, as she returned from vacation “I’m gonna fuck her like she stole something!,” a phrase which has stuck with me over the years.



  1. Clearly the blessing of a beautiful baby girl has not lessened your abrassive nature one bit.

    Thanks God. We missed you.

  2. Maybe you should consider thinking about baseball or Viagra.

  3. Viagra?

    I just heard a comedian mention that commercial. He said, “the commercial tells you that if you have an erection for more than 4 hours, call a doctor. Fuck that, I’m calling EVERYONE”.

  4. jonsonblog: Now with “pop-ups”

  5. Jeez,

    Talk about long recharge.

  6. Mr. Kinsley,
    Stop making me have a crush on you. I’m a happily married woman.

  7. [Awkward silence.]

    Uh… ok.

    [Awkward silence continues.]

  8. Oh, don’t stammer Mr. Kinsley, you’re usually not at a loss for words. You’re funny and funny is cool, plain and simple.

  9. You guys are really getting in the way of the simmering sexual tension between me & my copy of WordPress. That’s right baby, I’m almost ready for another go ’round…

  10. Dear Brother, you had only to ask. I will graciously stop this nonsense in the interest of saving jonsonblog. And Mr. Kinsley need not worry either; he is safe to enjoy those long lunches with jonson unfettered by any inappropriate comments on my part. Although I admittedly enjoy Mr. Kinsley’s wit, my heart belongs to Tom, and my lust to Johnny Depp.

  11. Why do I have the feeling that Cock is about to rear his ugly head again?*

    *Any and all puns were completely intentional even if I didn’t think of them.

  12. We do need to schedule another lunch. At least you’d have something to blog about. Hopefully less erotic than this post and its subsequent commentary, but something nonetheless.

    And yes, I too hope for Cock to come back around. He’s become my new favorite part of jonsonblog!

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