Do Not Borrow A Pen From Me

February 12, 2008

Sometimes the inside of my ear itches.  Not a ton, but just a tiny bit.  A while ago, like a year or so ago, I absentmindedly used the cap from a ballpoint pen to poke in my ear canal & scratch, which is totally gross, but felt awesome.  In fact, it sort of made me realize how much I enjoyed poking in my ears with pen caps, like this whole world of adventurous ear based delight that I had previously been denying myself.  Now that I can easily scratch the inside of my ears, I find that I want to scratch the inside of my ears way more often.

It worked out pretty well for a while, since the office manager at our work had purchased a TON of Bic “round stic” pens, little colored ballpoint pens with plastic caps.  Unfortunately, a couple months ago, when it came time to resupply the office, she switched to the kind of capless pens that you click on top with your thumb & the pen point retracts.  Those pens may be good for writing with, but clearly they suck ass when it comes to poking my ears.

As my own supply of pens dwindles, or the pen caps get lost, I’ve started going around to my co-workers & stealing their Bic round stics.  It’s like an office version of Cormac McCarthy’s The Road, and pen caps are like canned food supplies.  I just hope none of them have been using their pens for equally unsavory purposes.



  1. Great! A coworker just read this entry and said she wasn’t going borrow any pens from ME! Thanks a lot Rouse!

  2. I prefer the rounded inner portion of a jumbo paper clip. And they come 100/pack.

  3. Hotels Rock. They always have those pens with “Ear Canal” friendly pen caps. It gives me happy leg, like my dog getting his ears scratched.

  4. Two words:

  5. Oh, great. Mr. Mom chimes in with his household advice.

  6. No, Mr. Mom-type advice would have been, “don’t put anything in your ear except your elbow!”

  7. I punctured my eardrum with a Q-Tip when I was seven, so I don’t think I’ll be trying the pen cap any time soon.

    But hey..I could always try the other ear. If I punctured that one too, I’d have a matching set.

  8. Wow, finally I thought I was the only one! The nice thing about those caps are they perfectly shaped for digging out the wax. Like a tiny shovel.

    Now I will try sticking my elbow in my ear, that sounds suspeciously hard.

  9. You think it’s hard getting your elbow in your ear, try getting it in your ass! Now THAT is a challenge!

  10. Really? Do tell. I always knew you enjoyed a challenge, but…

  11. ujm, ok. GHELP
    now i haqve bothn elbows stucki.
    oner in my ass,m one inm my ear45.

    i hadf to to type this withj my nose.

    fook. JHELP

  12. That last post is …..Fucking….Priceless!

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