Archive for April 24th, 2008


Do you mind if I masturbate on your pancakes?

April 24, 2008

My friends & I have developed such a disturbing conversational shorthand that sometimes it takes seeing it in writing to really get some perspective on it.  This exchange from lunch today sums it up nicely:

Me: I wish I had ordered bacon on my grilled cheese sandwich.  Hey, can I just have some of your bacon that comes with your pancakes?

Friend: No.

Me: Just a little?

Friend: No.  I need my protein.

Me: I will give you replacement protein.

Friend: I reject your offer completely.

Me: Really? You don’t find my offer to sprinkle my man-juice on your lunch an acceptable trade for the side plate of bacon?

This is such an absolutely typical example of our daily conversation that it’s surprising neither of us has been pepper sprayed by random people within earshot.