Archive for May, 2008

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links for 2008-05-31

May 31, 2008
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Enemy of Man!

May 30, 2008

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Peligro! Abejas!!

May 30, 2008

When I left lunch today with my buddy Nick (pictured, in blue), we passed a bush with hundreds of bees attempting to form a permanent home there right outside the restaurant.

The owners had contacted a high-end bee disposal firm, which consists of a sign that says “Peligro! Abejas” and a dude with a vaccum. And not even an expensive, Dyson sphere vacuum, but more of a box with a nozzle attached.

One by one this poor bastard was vacuuming up the bees. It was a lengthy, painful task, as I’m sure he got stung more than once, but it all paid off in the long run, when he drives to the homes of his mortal enemies, pulling up in front of their air conditioning intake units & releasing his angry horde. El Hombre Abeja claims another victim, and the police are none the wiser.

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Now Open In Yonkers

May 29, 2008


Growing up in the 1970’s, this commercial evokes Christmas better than any carol every could. In discussing it with my friend the other day, he started singing the lyrics.

Me: It sounds awful when you sing it. You rob the song of any of its charm, you’re turning it into a jingle. I think it’s because you work in Marketing.

Friend: So did the people who wrote that commercial.

Me: Liar. They worked in heaven with Jesus & Santa Claus.

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America

May 27, 2008
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I’m a massive nerd

May 21, 2008

Sadly, I think that’s the second time I’ve had to use that headline on this blog.  And like the 3 billionth time I’ve used it to explain/excuse something I’m interested in.  So this time it’s the show How It’s Made on the Discovery HD channel. 

I wish I could tell you the show was about something awesome, like special secret weapons that only the government knows about or amazing seduction tips that I keep getting emails for, but in truth, the summary from the page on discovery.com reveals the sad truth: “In each episode of the series, viewers will be amazed to see how many common items are manufactured in high-tech factories around the world.”

And they’re right, I AM, I AM amazed to see how many common items are manufactured in high-tech factories around the world.

Seriously, I’m worried that the writers strike in combination with the cancelling (over the last few years) of Arrested Development, Firefly, Andy Richter Controls The Universe, Rome, Deadwood, The Sopranos, etc has fundamentally broken my ability to consume entertainment, or even recognize it.  Not counting the NBA Playoffs, a brief review of my recent “oh I should definitely record THAT” items on TiVo have been woefully lame.

  • Throwdown With Bobby Flay (so embarassing) – FoodTV
  • Ferocious African Crocodiles (literally an hour of wildebeest getting mangled) – Animal Planet HD
  • 2008 Heads-Up Poker Championship (seriously? I’m still watching this?) – NBC
  • Ebert & Roeper & the Movies (did you know that they can’t use the “thumbs up” component anymore since Ebert is suing the show, which he hasn’t appeared on in years thanks to his cancer battle? FASCINATING.  I really need to figure out how to “unsubscribe” from a season pass on this crappy fake TiVo that DIRECTV is using these days.)

So, to sum up.  I can’t recognize entertainment anymore.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go finish watching how two sided scotch tape is made.

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I’ve seen some things, internet

May 16, 2008

Things that would make your hair curl.  But I don’t think I’ve seen something yet that disturbed me as much as this surgical video demonstrating the plasmablade on a corpse.  The plasmablade is to scalpels what light sabres are to sabres, cauterizing as it slices, with (miraculously) no smoking or charring of the flesh.  You should totally check out the video, especially if you’ve not yet had lunch.