Huh. Maybe I AM Ignorant.May 8, 2008
So, I’m reading a review of Speed Racer in the local alt-rag, LA Weekly, and it occurs to me I have no fucking clue what the reviewer is talking about. A lot of made up words, obscure references & excessively showy language to basically say that he didn’t recommend the film. This paragraph in particular was awesome:
The futuristic, multihued skyscrapers seem a figment of Kenny Scharf’s imagination[I DON’T KNOW WHO THAT IS]; the glazed female leads might be Jeff Koons sculptures [I’VE HEARD OF HIM. IS HE A SCULPTOR? I DON’T GET THIS REFERENCE. DOES HE GLAZE HIS SCULPTURES A LOT?] sporting Takashi Murakami [WHO?] accessories. And that’s just the “Sunday Styles” stuff. Once the various gizmobiles accelerate to warp speed on roller-coaster racetracks seemingly conceived by Dr. Seuss [YES!!!!], the screen reconstitutes as a Bridgett Riley vortex [SHE MAKES VORTEXES, I ASSUME] or a mad geometric abstraction of Kenneth Noland [NOPE, SORRY.] racing stripes.
Thanks, J. Hoberman of the L.A. Weekly. I never knew how little I knew until you came along. I will say this for you – after diligent analysis, I was able to discern whether you liked the movie or not:
But love, hate or ignore it, The Matrix proposed a social mythology. (Just ask Slavoj Zizek. [SERIOUSLY NOW, WHAT THE FUCK?]) Speed Racer is simply a mishmash that, among other things, intermittently parodies the earlier film’s pretensions.
You go to hell, J. Hoberman. You go straight to hell.