What Harm Will Befall The City of Boston?June 13, 2008
When the Patriots went 18-0 and then choked in the superbowl, it was all worth it to me. The disaster of losing to a two-touchdown underdog in the biggest game of the year totally made up for all the good things they got out of the regular season (undefeated regular season, single season records for scoring, touchdowns thrown by Tom Brady, touchdowns caught by Randy Moss, yards received by Wes Welker, etc). That they got caught cheating was icing on the cake. It’s the loss at the end that made up for it. Like Carbon Credits for douchebaggery, the loss absolved them of my hatred of them.
My point, and I have one, is that enough suffering by a fan base & I can move beyond my contempt for them and into a feeling of mercy, or perhaps just smug pity. Which gets me wondering, what would need to happen to the sports fans of Boston in order for me to forgive them for beating the Lakers in the 2008 NBA championship?
I suspect it will require something along the lines of a repeat of the Boston Molasses Disaster of 1919, only this time the only people to be drowned in the boiling hot molasses would be Celtics fans. Not all of them, mind you, or else there’d be no one left for me to forgive. Most of them. The Celtics fans who moved to Boston as adults would be spared, but the last thing that lifelong townies would hear is the sweet rushing river of sticky hot death as it poured down their tiny, quaint cobblestone streets.