Drinking At Work: Is It Time To Start?

August 10, 2008

Don’t let the title mislead you, I’ve been drinking at work for years.  But this is managed drinking, where I go to lunch once every few weeks & have a couple margaritas (okay, strawberry margaritas.  What can I say, I drink like a sorority girl).  This is not what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about buying a bottle of wine, & having at my desk every day all day, and finishing it every day.  I realize, it’s the wine talking (cause yes, I’ve had some of it tonight), but I feel WAY more competent & attractive when I’ve been drinking, & it seems like it could only help my work product if I felt this way every day.  I’d be nicer to my co-workers (and let’s face it, they deserve a break from sober Jonson after all these years), I’d deliver a better (or at least more interesting) product to my clients, and I’d be better looking for everyone who looked at me.  Plus funnier.

I’m thinking I need to find a good 10 dollar or so wine and just make that the daily bottle.  Bring it in, keep a glass at the desk, and spend my days more cordially.  I wonder how long I could pull this off before someone at work actually mentioned it to me. “So… about your drinking….”



  1. Get a case or two of two-buck Chuck at Trader Joe’s. See how that works for you.

    I don’t blog well after a couple of glasses of wine. If you remember, I tend to rant and say things I shouldn’t.

    We frequent Chipotle by our office. $3.75 Margaritas that will kick your ass. I totally support “On-the-clock” drinking. Makes going to work worth the trouble.

  2. Two Buck Chuck will just make everyone think (know?) you’re a lush. Go with some good stuff, and make sure that it’s red wine. Then you can pass it off as being good for your heart. When I’m in the classroom I like to drink a nice bottle of Turley zinfan… where’s that damn delete button! No! Don’t hit submit! DON’T HIT SUBMI

  3. I say do it but don’t flaunt it… hide it from everyone at work. I would suggest washing out an old soda can and pouring the wine into that, unless it would draw attention to your new habit of drinking “soda” all day.

  4. Worked wonders for me.

  5. Just curious…

    Would this be in addition to the 12-pack of Diet Pepsi you drink daily, or would the wine replace it? Maybe for a inventive compromise you could come up with some sort of Diet Pepsi-based wine cooler?

  6. If you’re at all serious about this, I suggest you go pro right away and move up to Irish Whiskey.

  7. For Christ’s sake, don’t be a pussy. Get rid of the wine, and start mixing martinis at 9 AM. Set up a bar in your office with the best glasses and crystal decanters. Buy only the best liquor and charge it to your expense account. You’re management, so start acting like it goddammit. You’ve seen the jeans and haircuts the kids are wearing these days. It’s 1960 all over again.

    I’m not suggesting you flaunt it, but you shouldn’t hide it ’cause there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Whenever a colleague arrives at your office, offer them a drink from your bar. When they decline, start downing yours in earnest. In no time, they’ll buckle to the peer pressure; half the office will be in AA by October.

    You’ve seen Mad Men. Offer visitors to your office a cigar. And a cigarette. And a joint. Put those on the expense account too. Take up smoking to go with your alcoholism. Screw your mistress on your desk at noon, then drive home drunk like a man and make sure your wife cowers in fear. That little bitch.

    Ogle your assistants, they’re all asking for it anyway. And when one complains (and he invariably will, what a candyass..what kind of homo is named Spencer anyway?), claim it was the booze talking.

    Get into a treatment program. You’re protected under the Americans With Disabilities Act, so tell HR to fuck themselves, for God’s sake.

    Start drinking for real to celebrate. Repeat again tomorrow.

  8. Dammit…You are right! That right there is what it is all about. How to drink effectively in your office. Bless you for candor, and any other advice on how to effectively get through the day is very welcome.

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