Archive for October 22nd, 2008


I Got Kicked Out of Black Facebook

October 22, 2008

I’m not very good at being on Facebook. I never update my status, and I never visit the site.  Which is why I was surprised to find myself signing up for Black Planet, a facebook clone aimed entirely at the African American community.  I’m not sure what I was doing there, but I think when Obama becomes President, he’s probably going to use a service like Black Facebook to get the secret word out to his people about what their hidden agenda is, and I definitely want to be in the know.

Unfortunately, I think Black Facebook is restricted to African Americans, and while I can easily lie on a registration form (I do it every day!), when it came time to fill out my interests, music, films, etc, I realized the flaw in my plan.  I only like super white things, like Wilco & Radiohead & the films of the Coen Brothers.  So I came up with a plan.  I wrote in my profile that I was raised by white people and therefore only liked the things that they liked.  Then I filled out the rest of my profile with honest responses.  Step 3: PROFIT.

Unfortunately, my secret identity was not secret enough.  Less than 24 hours after joining, I got the following email message:

Hi trickwhiteyman, [THIS WAS MY SECRET NICKNAME]

Your account has been closed. It was closed either at your request or because we determined you have violated our Terms of Service.

At, we embrace freedom of expression. However,
we also make it our duty to consider the interests of the larger community of
members who use this site. This means keeping free of as much profanity,
offensive and derogatory material, and SPAM as possible — in the form of,
but not limited to, images and text.

I totally didn’t violate their terms of service.  Unless pretending to be Bryant Gumbel was explicitly forbidden.  I guess I will have to go looking for Secret Muslim Facebook.