I Have the Inner Nostrils of a 70 year old

November 25, 2008

I’m average height, which means that about half the guys I talk to are taller than me, which means that I can totally see their nose hairs sticking out and it is very gross.

For my own part, I started actively tweezing out hairs from my nostrils if they grew out long enough to be visible, and I found out some interesting things about myself through this practice:

  • Even though the concept of tweezing out your unwanted hair is about as gay as 7 dudes blowing 8 dudes, I’m not actually any gayer than I was before I started.
  • I can’t fucking believe how insanely painful tweezing out hairs from the roots of your soft inner nose tissue is.  If sadists held me prisoner & started pulling out my nose hairs, I would totally reveal the hiding place of my family & friends, or any other secret they asked of me.
  • A small percentage of my hair on the top of my scalp is white/grey.  The percentage goes WAY up when you are inside my nose.  Maybe it’s the lack of sunlight or something, but fifty percent of the hairs I pull out are white, like old man white.  Thank god this unfortunate state of affairs hasn’t spread to the crotch area.

…and that’s the news from “things you didn’t want to know about me” for this week.  Stay tuned for an upcoming report on the wrinkliness of my sack (SO alarmingly wrinkly!).


  1. Just think, if you have started this blog in 2000 there would never have been an LBC.

  2. HAHA! Caught the bus and stopped running!

  3. Seriously? I can’t believe that I’m going to say this, but I’m thinking it, so I’m going to come right out and say it. (Jonsonblog is nothing if not the place for uncensored thoughts to run rampant, is it not?)

    I just gave you a standing ovation (in front of my laptop), a STANDING OVATION, because you deal with your nose hairs like a real man, gay or not. Bravo man, Bravo!

  4. I suppose there are two schools of thought on this: the almost certain pain from ripping out the hair, or the random pain from using some sort of trimmer. I prefer the former, because the anticipated pain of the latter is just too scary; you just never know when that rotating blade is going to tear some hair out.

    The trick with the tweezing is not to wait longer than a week. If you can get the hairs when they are small and short, oftentimes you won’t even feel it. But if you wait longer, particularly with hairs on your septum or on the inside of the tip of your nose, it’s excruciating. Or it could be that I’m just a total pussy.

    Of course, the longer hairs sometimes bleed, and it’s disconcerting when your tweezers look like a butcher’s knife.

    Women, you are so luck you only have to endure Brazilian waxes, monthly cramps, and childbirth rather than the torture of ripping your nasal hairs out in clumps.

    Men, if you really want to experience pain (not to mention a gay aesthetic), try removing the hair on the shaft of your penis with tweezers. The look of a 10 year-old’s penis comes at a high price!

  5. Men, if you really want to experience pain (not to mention a gay aesthetic), try removing the hair on the shaft of your penis with tweezers.

    Hmmmm… you make a compelling offer, however I’m forced to decline. My penis & I have an uneasy relationship, and if I start adding to the physical abuse it’s forced to endure at my hands there’s no telling what kind of vengeance it will dream up.

  6. […] and Man vs. Clown! I have no idea how I came upon either of them and they both tend to fall on the crude or disturbing side of humor; yet jonson may have the most adorable daughter not to come from my own […]

  7. I stick a lit match up my nose and burn them!

  8. Seriously it works!

  9. jk, you are simply insane.

  10. so blowing 8 guys is gay?

  11. No i’ts not!

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