Archive for January, 2009

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My Daughter, the Racial Stereotype

January 31, 2009

First, let me state that I’m not going to write about the LBC on EVERY post, this just happened to be top of mind.  So, some people ask me what the secret to my amazing level of inappropriate behavior is, and I think in a nutshell, it’s that I never stop to evaluate my actions as a whole.  When you look at any one incident, you can explain it away as a joke or drunken antic.  But last night, as my daughter was singing the Frito Bandito song to herself, it occurred to me the number of things that I’ve done with her that play upon her racial heritage in a less than flattering light.

  1. Took a photo of her, photoshopped a bandito mustache on it, and entitled it “Bandito Baby!”
  2. Taught her the Frito Bandito song by showing her the 1960’s commercial repeatedly.
  3. Played a few Speedy Gonzales cartoons in the hopes that she would start to yell “Eepaa!  Arriba, Andele, andele!” when she races around the house.  This totally worked, by the way.

Hmm, taken as a group, it might appear that I have some issues to work through.  By the way, it was in performing the last action that I discovered an amusing bit of trivia – in addition to being wildly insensitive, the Speedy Gonzales cartoons were a little subversive.  When Speedy’s cousin Slowpoke Rodriguez shows up all slow-talking & mysteriously hungry, 2:18 seconds into the cartoon, he sings openly about his sadness that he has no more marijuana to smoke.  “la cucaracha, la cucaracha, ya no puede caminar porque no tiene, porque le falta marijuana que fumar.”  I guess not enough people spoke Spanish in the 1950s when the cartoon was released?  Or everyone knew, and they just assumed all hispanic charicatures loved pot.

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Projecting into the Future

January 29, 2009

Five years ago, if you would have shown me a vision of how I would spend the evening of January 28th, 2009, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have believed it.  There’s a children’s book called Fancy Nancy, about a girl who likes things that are fancy, and who fancies up her otherwise non-fancy parents & siblings.  Last night when I called the missus to tell her I was on the way home, the cupcake answered and said “Daddy, do you want to be fancy with us?” which is a quote from the book, which I’ve read her a couple hundred times.

Of course, there’s only one answer to that question, so when I walked through the door I was swaddled in fancifying robes & vestiments until I was somewhere between mid-70s era Elton John & early 1990’s Stevie Nicks on the fancification scale.

It got me thinking that if a videotape of the evening had been shown to my 2004 self, it would be the most unlikely development I could imagine, and by comparison, you could today show me a video of me in the year 2014 living in Iowa, fighting crime for a living with my robotic dog sidekick and I’d have to admit it was possible.

It’s an amazing world when you think about it.

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Awesome Things: A Roundup

January 28, 2009
  1. This concept art for World War Z’s famous “Battle of Yonkers” scene
  2. This bulletproof child’s school backpack.  Seriously?
  3. This breakdown of the relative merits of the Slanket vs the (much cheaper) Snuggie, which led me to this website:
  4. For the Nuddle (“the new way to Nap & Cuddle!”)
  5. Compiling a list of links instead of actually “writing.”
  6. Testing image posts for work:

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    Galcos!

    January 22, 2009


    One of my favorite quirky things in L.A. is Galco’s Soda Pop Stop, a South Pasadena store with hundreds of brands of obscure soda in row after row. It’s the setting for this Greg Laswell (L.A. hipster) music video that also features a hobbit for no clear reason.

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    Youth In Revolt

    January 17, 2009

    One of my favorite humourous novels is CD Payne’s Youth In Revolt; It’s not hugely popular, I’d never heard of it prior to my friend Mike lending me a copy a few years back.  In searching Flickr for the phrase “movie sets” just to see what images show up (man my life is exciting!) I ran across a set for Youth, which I just found out is being made into a movie to be released this year.   A little concerned that Michael Cera is playing the lead, who is 14 in the novel. Hopefully will be as funny as the book, which is absolutely hilarious.

    So, that means that in 2009 I’ve got Watchmen, Harry Potter, Where the Wild Things Are & Youth in Revolt to look forward to, followed by the movie event of the century in 2010, World War Z.  Although both Watchmen & WWZ would be greatly enhanced by being multi-part HBO miniserieses, a la John Adams, instead of 2.5 hour long movies.

    Man, I’ve got to develop some highbrow tastes, my love of cartoon culture is really clashing with my self-image as an erudite scholar of the arts.

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    America’s First Jewish President

    January 15, 2009

    I think this is the longest pause between posts in the (increasingly not-so) brief history of the jblog.  I wish I had a better excuse, but the gospel truth is that nothing remotely funny has occurred to me in the last two weeks or so.  Or more to the point, the funny things that have happened all fail to translate into an amusing post.  Worse yet, in a quick glance at my upcoming schedule, nothing particularly interesting is even scheduled to occur.  I need to witness a mugging, or get mugged or perhaps just take the initiative & mug someone myself.

    One thing that did occur to me earlier today, with the innauguration less than one week away – I was thinking about all the badness that occurred under President Voldemort, and what things would have been like had the rightfully elected man been sworn in in 2000.  I expect after 8 years of benevolent & thoughtful leadership, he’d be endorsing his veep (Joe Lieberman, Judas-Democrat) for the highest office in the land.  With the environmentalists AND the secret conspiracy that controls all the world’s financial systems supporting him, the Lieberman ticket would have doubtless coasted to victory & next week’s swearing in would be even more unlikely.  After all, there are about 8X as many African Americans as there are Jews in this country.

    In honor of this alternate history timeline, I am going to eat some delicious latkes this weekend, once I find a deli in Los Angeles that has any idea how to make them.  For some reason, homemade latkes are delicious, but every restaurant one I’ve ever had tasted like hash browns arranged in a circle.

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    I’m not all that crazy, it turns out

    January 3, 2009

    I like to think that among my friends I’m the one who is more likely to say or do the amusing/ridiculous/innappropriate thing, and while that might be true, this picture I just found of a naked guy simulating sex with the corpse of a beached whale proves to me that I’m nowhere near as wacky or unconventional as I thought I was.  I’ve seen a lot of things on the internet.  Things that you should never click on, like cephalerotica or worse.  And yet, not only have I never seen a picture of a guy who just pulled off his clothes and climbed on to a rotting whale for the amusement of his friends, I’ve got to confess that the concept of such a series of actions never even occurred to me.  This is simultaneously a relief to my wife & a source of dismay to me.

    Three years ago, when we got a statue of a giant moose in our office (finally!), I immediately climbed on top of it & threw out the double viking for a photo opportunity.  I see now that I bring a knife to a gun fight.  Well played, internet.  Well played.