Archive for February, 2009


Spoiler Alert

February 9, 2009

A while back I mentioned to my friend the small subgenre of films that all share the same plot: “things sure were better before we found all that money”.  This collection includes

  • A Simple Plan
  • Shallow Grave
  • Treasure of the Sierra Madre
  • Millions
  • No Country for Old Men

And probably a couple of others I could think of if I really tried.  The one thing these movies all have in common is that they are better than average, in my opinion.  As directly opposed to another subgenre single line plot that I’ve seen way too much of recently: “the victim IS the killer but didn’t realize it due to insanity/split personality.”   That list is long & growing, and almost none of the movies on it are particularly good.

  • The Uninvited
  • Abandon
  • Identity
  • Fight Club
  • Three (imaginary film within a film from Adaptation)
  • Hide & Seek
  • Shutter Island (it’s not out yet – but that’s how the book is)
  • Sleepaway Camp
  • High Tension
  • Secret Window

There’s probably several dozen more I can’t remember, but jesus, with the exception of Fight Club, has this plot ever worked in a movie?



February 9, 2009

When “Radiohead” play the Grammys but only Thom & Johnny are on stage, how do Colin, Ed & Phil find out they aren’t invited?

  1. Thom BCC’s them jointly on an email entitled “guess who isn’t playing the Grammys”
  2. They find out when they turn on the TV & see “Radiohead” announced & Thom & Johnny on stage in Los Angeles
  3. They don’t care because they are busy in New Zealand recording with Neil Finn & Jeff Tweedy

I know #3 is true, but I’m pretty sure Thom would be fine with any of the above options.


It’s a Miracle!

February 3, 2009

healthy_vagThis headline was the main story on CNN, and I believe a cursory examination of the participants will lead you to the same conclusion I came to: namely, this whole procedure was dreampt up by Dr. Pervert in the middle/rear of the photo.  Just look at his creepy facial hair & beady eyes.   He’s just waiting for the donors to start showing up so he can convince more of them.

“Oh, no cutting you open?  That’s so 20th century, what are we, savages? No, no, nowadays the common practice is for me to fish around in your cooter until I grab hold of something and then just yank that little devil right out through your hoo-haw.”

Nice try, reprobate.  I see through your scam, and while I applaud your ingenuity, I cannot condone your tactics.

Now, if someone could just tell me two things:

1) What is Matt Lauer doing in the photo?

2) Why does the recipient have a stuffed dog?  Is that the next item to be yanked out of someone’s babymaker?  Is Doug Henning the chief of the O.R.?


Jimmy Smits is a man of the people

February 3, 2009

This grainy, tiny cameraphone is hardly conclusive proof, so you’ll just have to believe me that when the missus, the cupcake & I went to the supermarket last night we ran into Jimmy Smits, who apparently goes shopping on his own, just like regular people. He’s a lonesome populist.

Lest there be any doubt that it was him, I will point out that 1) The missus identified him, and she’s damn near flawless at that skill, and 2) He said “yes” when I asked him “hey, are you Jimmy Smits?”

Later, as he walked by my daughter when she got tired of sitting in the shopping cart in the same aisle for too long, she said very loudly, “Come on daddy, Andale, Andale!”. I only wish I was joking.

The missus later confirmed that he shops there all the time, so maybe next time he sees her & the cupcake, he’ll remember, hey, there’s that woman whose daughter talks like Speedy Gonzales.