When Did I Become This Way

January 21, 2010

I used to pride myself on my “non-average guyness.” I didn’t drink, watch sports, know about cars, play poker, basically everything guys are good at, I seemed to avoid.

I had a couple areas of overlap with traditional guy roles – I was good with technology, and I liked violent movies, and of course boobs, but over the years, there’s been a creeping “guyism” in my personality, and now all I talk about is sports, guy movies, videogames, and of course, boobs.  It’s like the jocks who run Spike TV snuck into my house and put something in the water.

I don’t really know how to combat it, or even if I want to.  I’m much more comfortable always having conversational touchstones with people at every party.  It’s such a convenient shorthand:

2010 Jonson Party Conversation:

Stranger: Did you see Nate Kaeding miss 3 field goals in Sunday’s Chargers game?

Jonson: Yeah, I heard he tried to hang himself afterwards in shame, but he failed to kick the chair out from under himself.

Stranger: Awesome.  High five!

1995 Jonson Party Conversation:

Stranger: Can you believe Michael Jordan dropped 55 on the Knicks last night?

Jonson: The illuminati believe that 55 is a number with deep significance in historic events.

Stranger: I’m going to go stand over there for a while.

1989 Jonson Party Conversation:

Just kidding.  I wasn’t invited to many parties in high school.


  1. So good to have you back.

    Now about this post:

    I think you underestimated your guyness factor before.

    You’ve always been an excellent poker player.

    You would drink. Granted it was typically something girly like hard cider. Which btw, the real stuff is quite refreshing at times.

    You liked competition. Just odd versions of it. Take the who can lob the wadded up paper over the wall and land it closest to the center of the table. It may not ever be a professional sport, but who knows.

    And most important…


    and Squid Porn. What guy doesn’t love that.

  2. Finally – a reason to turn my computer back on! Glad you are writing again…

    You and I have a lot in common, Mr Rouse – and the changing dynamic sounds like a side effect of the natural degradation in testosterone as one ages. Perhaps that tells us something about the a*hole sports freaks in high school, eh?

  3. I have to actually type this line, again, for the third time this week, and in an online forum:

    Silly Rabbit … Tits are for kids.

    Oh, and I, too, am happy to see the Jonsonblog pulling the terry cloth from the internet’s asscrack once again. Thank-you, sir.

  4. You could always try searching for other fields, like instead of boobs… Penis! ;D I love it, and I still have guyness factor!

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