August 27, 2016

So, the straw panic emergency turned out fine, I re-threaded the entire 25 cm of tube down into my stomach without taking a bypass into my lungs or some crazy shit. I went to the Urgent Care expecting them to do an X-ray or something to verify position, but it turns out they’re way smarter than I am. They just held a stethoscope to my stomach and pumped a tiny qty of air through the tube and listened to it come out. Apparently it was just fine.

So, I feed myself 4 x a day, each time being 500ML of this horrible gruel called Replete, which is scientifically formulated to be all the everything you need. Enough nutrition, enough hydration, enough energy, enough vitamins, enough calories, enough carbs, etc etc etc. The thing about it is, 1) it’s nice ’cause it doesn’t force me to re-use my surgically destroyed throat muscles, but 2) it’s nice ’cause I don’t have to think about anything. It’s exactly enough and I just have it at the prescribed times and that’s that.

But today I skipped two of the meals. Starting this Thursday when the tube comes out, I’ll skip all of them, but for practice, this morning (Saturday), I just drank a TON of water and ate a decadent creme brulee style dessert thing. It was a little TOO much cream/milk/eggs/spices, and I’m pretty sure I ate enough for three people. But at the same time I wanted to make sure I was getting enough energy to replace the Replete. It’s confusing. Then for dinner I skipped the replete again. Just water and I made Ramen (but held out the noodles). It’s a bitch to drink that much water, as every swallow hurts the muscles in my throat.

Apparently after the neck dissection surgery this Thursday I’m gonna wake up 1) hopefully about to find out I’m cancer free, 2) with fucking DRAINAGE TUBES sticking out of my neck for 7 days or something, so again going home like a monster with tubes sticking out of me, and 3) with no more feeding tube, so I’m gonna need to eat every meal and drink every drop by mouth starting Thursday evening. I hope I can swallow easier by then (five days from now). Right now it’s a chore. Feels like I got punched in the throat or something. Muscles are very sore, only partially responsive. Takes 10 minutes (at least) to drink a pint glass of water.

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